so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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