The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
