thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
