I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
