Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
