Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
