Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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