The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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