So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
