Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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