Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
