I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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