her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
