I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
