My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
