I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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