I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
