Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
