he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
