Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
