honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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