this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
