If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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