i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
