I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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