He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
well I can't set my house on fire every night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
