Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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