Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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