hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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