hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Farmville is her only friend.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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