I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
