I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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