His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
