I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
