That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
