no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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