mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
