11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
