We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
