In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
