I have demons in me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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