i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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