take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
