You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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