i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
