if i can run in heels then i can drive
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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