How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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