a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
