i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
