I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
