How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
