I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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