Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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