I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
