There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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