guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
