Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
too bad you live with your parents still
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
